What’s the bigger loss: for Zlatan Ibrahimovic to lack a few World Cup games on his CV, or for the World Cup to lack Zlatan?
The latter. At 32, the man from Malmo should be past his prime, but only keeps getting better, scoring ever more audacious and spectacular goals. Goals that no other player can score. Goals that force everyone around him – teammates included – to accept his supremacy on and off the field. A supremacy that he desires and requires to excel. A supremacy he defends – if need be – with his incredible physique and street-educated personality.
It’s no wonder that a Swedish dictionary recently included the verb Zlataner – meaning “to dominate with overwheling force”. Read the best quotes of a man who is not just convinced, but knows with his entire soul, that he is The Greatest.
Modesty isn’t the right word
1) Arsene Wenger asked me to have a trial with Arsenal when I was 17.
I turned it down. Zlatan doesn’t do auditions.
2) An injured Zlatan is a pretty serious thing for any team.
3) We are looking for an apartment in Paris. If we don’t find anything, then I’ll probably just buy the hotel.
4) First I went left, he did too. Then I went right, and he did too. Then I went left again, and he went to buy a hot dog.
(After outplaying Liverpool defender Stephane Henchoz)
5) It’s true that I don’t know much about the players in Ligue 1 but for sure, they know who I am.
6) Gay? Come to my house and you’ll see if I’m gay. And bring your sister.
(After a female reporter asked if he was gay, following the photos of Zlatan and Pique holding hands)
7) If Rooney still wants to move next summer, I would urge him to come and play with me in Paris. But he would have to get used to the fact that Zlatan scores even better goals than him.
8) People ask me what I would have become if I hadn’t been a footballer. Maybe a criminal. I got a kick out of stealing stuff. This is not good to say, but as a kid I sometimes had to steal a bike so I could get to the training field.
9) Barcelona President Rosell, Vice President Bartomeu, Milan’s Galliani, and my lawyer were all there, and Rossel said: ‘I want you to know that this is the worst piece of business I have conducted in my life.’
I replied: ‘It’s the result of bad leadership.’
(After his transfer from Barcelona to Milan )
10) There’s only one Zlatan.
A Tale of Four Coaches
11) I often think back to the feeling I had when I just started here [in Amsterdam]. I was a tiger, ready to face the world. But [Ajax-coach] Co Adriaanse has given me the feeling I’m a player you use for only ten minutes. I am full of ambition to become that tiger again.
12) Capello said he was going to bang the Ajax-style out of me. In Italy only winning matters. He forced me to constantly practise my goal attempts. He asked me, ‘Who has the best kicking technique at Juve?’. I said it was probably Del Piero or Nedved, and he said, ‘No, the goalkeeping coach, because that guy hits the ball maybe 1,000 times a day, every day.’
13) Jose Mourinho is a big star. He’s cool. The first time he met my wife he whispered to her: ‘Helena, you have only one mission. Feed Zlatan, let him sleep, keep him happy!’ The guy says what he wants. I like him. He stimulated me. I was basically willing to die for Mourinho.
14) In the beginning I thought Guardiola was OK. Not a Mourinho or a Capello, but he was alright. This was before the period when I asked the club whether they could put two ambulances near the training pitch in case I’d assault Guardiola.
Stupid questions, Zlatan-answers
15)
Reporter: “How many one night stands have you had in total?”
Zlatan: “I don’t do that stuff. For me it is romance and love…right?”
16)
Reporter: “Now that Sweden has been knocked out of Euro 2012, who do you think will win the tournament?”
Zlatan: “I don’t give a s*** who wins. I’m going on a holiday”
17)
Reporter: “Do you think it’s even possible for Ajax to lose nine points in nine games?”
Zlatan: “According to my calculations it is possible to lose nine points in only three games.”
18)
Reporter: “Who will win the next match?”
Zlatan: “Only God knows.”
Reporter: “It’s a bit hard to ask him that.”
Zlatan: “Why? You’re looking at him now.”
19)
Reporter: “Why do you have scratches on your face?”
Zlatan: “Well…I don’t know… you’ll have to ask your wife about that.”
20)
Reporter: “Do you have a pet?”
Zlatan: “Yes, [Ajax-reserve goalkeeper] Joey Didulica.”
21)
Reporter: “What did you get your wife for her birthday?”
Zlatan: “Nothing, she already has Zlatan.”
22)
Reporter: “Is your playing style Swedish or Yugoslavian?”
Zlatan: “It’s Zlatan-style.”
Zlatan, Barcelona and Guardiola
Perhaps the most intriguing chapter in Zlatan’s career is his year in Barcelona. The best striker in the world didn’t fit in the best team in the world and fell out with Barça’s revered architect: Pep Guardiola.
26) When I sign, I’ll be the happiest man in the world
(Just before his transfer to Barcelona)
27) I had a dream to come to Barcelona. But afterwards I think, maybe you should keep a dream, instead of making it come true.
(After his troubled season in Camp Nou)
28) It was a childhood dream [to play for Barca] and I was walking on air. It started well but then Messi started to talk. He wanted to play in the middle, not on the wing, so the system changed. I was sacrificed. (…) I felt like crap when I was sitting in the locker room with Guardiola staring at me like I was an annoying distraction, an outsider. (…) I barely yelled at my teammates any more. I became quiet and that’s lethal, believe me. I have to be angry to play well. I have to scream and shout.
29) Guardiola was staring at me and I lost it. I thought ‘there is my enemy, scratching his bald head!’. I yelled to him: ‘You have no balls!’ And probably worse things than that. And I added: ‘You are shitting yourself about Mourinho! You can go to hell!’ I was completely mad. I’m not violent, but if I were Guardiola I would have been frightened.
Let’s conclude this post with two interesting passages from Zlatan’s autobiography.
30 – The fight with Onyewu
“Onyewu resembled a heavyweight boxer. He was nearly 6ft 5in and weighed over 15 stone, but he couldn’t handle me. He accused me of trash talking, but that wasn’t true. People trash talk me. I’ve heard so much shit over the years: ‘Fucking gypsy’, stuff about my mum — all that stuff. I retaliate with my body, not with words.
I told Onyewu I did not trash talk, but he just kept on. He shushed me with his finger. Then he did it again. I saw red. I didn’t say anything, not a word. That bastard was going to find out how I trash-talk!
The next time he got the ball in training, I rushed towards him and jumped up with my feet and studs out in front — the worst type of tackle. But he saw me and leapt out of the way. As we both crashed to the ground, my first thought was: ‘Shit! I’ve missed!’ As I got up and walked away I felt a blow to my shoulder. Not a good idea, Oguchi Onyewu.
I headbutted him, and we flew at each other. We wanted to tear each other limb from limb. It was brutal. We were rolling around, punching and kneeing each other. We were crazy and furious — it was like life and death.
Afterwards, the weirdest thing happened. Onyewu started praying to God with tears in his eyes, making the sign of the cross. This felt like a provocation, and I got more furious.
I was stopped by my team-mates, and I suppose that was a good thing. It could have turned out nasty. All the time, I was thinking: ‘Shit, my chest hurts,’ so we had it checked out. I’d broken a rib in the fight.”
31 The rivalry with Van der Vaart
“Rafael van der Vaart was arrogant, like many of the white players in Ajax, even though he wasn’t exactly from the upper class. He tried to be the tough guy. Wanted to be in charge. There was rivalry between us from the start.
In 2004, I was playing for Sweden against Holland. Early on in the match I got a ball outside the penalty area and immediately had four Dutchmen on me. I powered my way through the challenges, and Van der Vaart was left lying in pain on the pitch.
He was taken off on a stretcher with a torn ankle ligament. Nothing serious, but he might miss a match or two. He claimed in the papers that I’d injured him on purpose. What kind of shit that? There wasn’t even a free-kick awarded! That guy was supposed to be my team captain! I phoned Van der Vaart: ‘Listen up, I’m sorry, it’s a shame about your injury, but it wasn’t intentional. You got that?’
He didn’t back down even a millimeter. When we returned to Ajax, the atmosphere became more and more heated. Finally, Ronald Koeman, the coach, called us into a meeting. By that time I was completely obsessed. We all sat in a circle in our lunch room, and I immediately sensed the seriousness of the situation. You could feel it in the air.‘Zlatan did it on purpose,’ said Van der Vaart, and I saw red. ‘I didn’t injure you on purpose, and you know that. If you accuse me again I’ll break both your legs, and that time it will be on purpose,’ I said. I ended up using our fight to get a transfer to Juventus.”
On a side note, while Van der Vaart was injured, Ibrahimovic scored his famous (and last) goal for Ajax. In the video of the goal, Van der Vaart can be seen, at 0:38, looking less than happy. The only man in the stadium that day who didn’t celebrate.
